It is coming

One day, you will radiate. You will exude happiness, you will vibrate on a different frequency.

Hope will move from a far away place and plant its roots in your bones. You will tremble with meaning and intent.

The smile on your face will not be fake, the laughs will be authentic and they will hurt your stomach.

The drinks will be sweeter, and not be as necessary.

You will breathe again, inhaling love instead of smoke.

Hold on tight; the day is coming.

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Today’s Late Afternoon Collapse

I sent an email to my ex (the one who broke my heart at the picnic table) about a week after our relationship fell apart. He didn’t reply and I assumed that he probably wouldn’t – but I had things I needed to say to him regardless.

Ya’ll. I just opened my email and boom. There it was. Two minutes before I had logged on, his reply had landed in my inbox.┬áIt has been WEEKS.

I honestly feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach and I’m trying really hard to remain calm because I don’t think I can fucking handle this right now, not even a little bit and now I am so scattered. Do I reply now? Do I wait? Do I reply at all? Should I finally just let this fucking go and let this amazing man move on to someone who can love him in the way that he needs? Do I drive to his house? Should I take a Klonopin?

10/10 currently losing my shit. In desperate need of a hug.

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He sat at the picnic table and broke my heart.

Long empty days passed, my mouth unable to form the words that could possibly express my sorrow and regret so I poured too much liquor into it instead. Then I poured tears onto my pillow, the one that will never again be next to his.

I still have clothes from the trip in my trunk because I can’t even look at them. I can’t smell the campfire smoke that sunk into the threads, I can’t see the straps he pulled off my shoulders as we played in the river.

I don’t know if I will ever go camping again.

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